


misery (but no company)

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Male Friendship, Poetic, Post-High School, References to Depression, Romance, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Unrequited Crush, Weird Ending, it's my birthday!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:48:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23911084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: it's the anniversary of his friend's suicide, so he goes back to read what was left.
Kudos: 3





	misery (but no company)

**Author's Note:**

> it's my birthday!!! yes, so, i decided to write this because i feel super shitty and lonely but that's okay

lee didn't want to get up and do anything today. 

his life was already tragic enough; he didn't need to fuck up the elements even more by going back to a time that was possibly- no definitely-worse than it is now. but to be honest, and especially honest to himself, he really wanted to make himself sad. 

sometimes being sad was like a drug to him. it was beautiful and gross and wrong. but he loved it. everyone has a dirty part of them; maybe wanting this depression was his. 

but he wouldn't die. no, he wouldn't leave his parents behind. he wouldn't go and never come back; he was not going to be another mark. no way. 

he missed mark. oh, so terribly. 

currently, he laid his head down his couch, fumbling his phone in a circle between his hands. the box was just under his bed. only a few feet away was the doorway into another world; another time. a time with mark. mark's final words. forever. 

another part of him was screaming for him to throw the paper out and leave. leave mark behind. become a new him. find happiness and let mark go. 

he couldn't. 

so, he got up. he stood, wobbly maybe, but it was still something, and walked across the room to his door. placed his hand on the door knob, twisted the door knob, and pushed. 

getting to his hands and knees, he crawled over to the bed and blindly reached under it, grabbing the somewhat soggy shoebox and pulling it out. 

it was green (mark's favorite colour) and had beautifully painted bees flying across it. 

his old neighbor, mrs. norris, painted it for him. mrs. norris loved mark, too. 

his removed the lid, and stared at the contents of the box. 

inside was a note, beginning to yellow from age, a stuffed bird, and mark's favorite hat. he had a collection (he was always asking lee to try on his ugly ones just so they could laugh at the photos they took) and this one, rainbow tie-dye styled with flowers, was mark's baby. he always said it reminded him of 70's, smoking, and sex. lee was never sure what that meant. 

the placed the stuffed bird on the bed above him ( _for another time_ , he said to himself) and pulled out the note from the box. the hat, his placed on his head, tears managing to fill up the dam that was his eyes, and with his other hand, he wiped some of the droplets away. 

the note had little doodles around it; it came like that, and mark always seemed to use these particular sheets of paper when he was saying stupid shit in class. somehow, they never got caught. lee wonders if it could have changed mark, somehow. 

( _probably not_ )

there were few words on the paper, and this is what always got lee the most. how little words there were for someone so big in his life. how little words there were for someone who meant so much. how the words seems so few, yet so powerful.

( _"i love you, lee. i'm sorry" - mark_ ) 

what did he mean? what type of love? if you're sorry, why did you go? why did you leave me? 

by now, lee's mind is on fire again, and he gently places the paper back in the box, which is contrast to how he feels now. 

he feels angry, sad, lost, and he wants mark back. 

but mark left him. he's gone, and he'll never see him again. he doesn't believe in god, so who's to say mark is in heaven? he doesn't believe in demons, and he doubts mark would ever be the one to burn in hell. 

he's so unsatisfied, and he'll probably be like that for the rest of his life. because mark left him. and he'll never understand what he meant or see who he truly was. 

and lee realizes, after all these years, he loves mark. 

and mark loved him. 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed, stay safe and alive <3


End file.
